Peggy Hall ([info]misty_moonlight) wrote,
@ 2005-12-18 20:38:00
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Current mood: contemplative

Younger men, and Older women - A societal shift?
"Older Women, make beautiful lovers... "

There has been a trend as of late of younger men dating and marrying older women. It's been going on for a few years now, but Demi Moore with Ashton Kutcher made it alright.

I think most of you know - Though I may just be making assumptions in a "I thought you knew!" kind of thing... but, Brian is 14 years younger than I am. He's actually just 7 years older than my eldest son.. lol

I remember when we got together, his friends contacted me on ICQ and informed me that Bri was sooo lucky, because women in their 30's is where it's at!

There's a great song out there called "Stacy's mom" where a young guy is in love with the mother of a girl he knows in school.

I read an article in Oprah's magazine called, "Younger men, try one on for size!"

They said in the article, and I have experienced this myself - That older men are quite threatened by this new trend. My brother, who is approaching 50, gave me a huge ration of shit over Brian being a "puppy". "That puppy," I said, "has taken on a slew of kids and is fully supporting them - emotionally, and financially" and he shut up about it.

I don't know why I started thinking about it, but I did, and it wasn't until I started talking with Brian about it last night that I could put words to my thoughts. Basically, I don't feel that this is a trend or a fad - I think it's here to stay, and I think that we are in the midst of a big societal shift.

I had wondered if this would pass. If older women would go back to preferring older men once the novelty of a "young stud" wore off, and I wondered if younger men would go back to wanting girls their own age, or younger, once the HUGE sense of responsibility that goes along with a woman in her 30's hit them.

It's always been a societal norm that women wanted older men. They said that girls matured faster, and that explained them dating older men when they were just teenagers, and then once the girls were older, they wanted an older man that was more established in life - had made his mistakes, and had been fired from his jobs, and had settled into a career, because he could support her a lot better.

I see that changing. Why? For starters, we are raising our girls different. I think that Brian was quite shocked when I told him that as late as in the 80's, I was sent to college "to find a good husband". When I was a teen, we as women were just then beginning to be encouraged to go out and find a career. There was a big hubbub about it all. I went through gobs of guilt trips because I was smack dab in the middle of a huge societal rift. If I worked and didn't stay home with the kids, then I was neglecting my children, and if I didn't work, then I was a dredge on the family's financial status.

It's not so much anymore. Not for the younger girls anyhow. They are pretty much being encouraged to go out and find their way in the world before they settle down with a man, and especially before they have children. I think that we started doing this because the teen pregnancy rate was so high in the 80's.

The second thing that I feel is contributing to this, is the divorce rate. Not only are girls seeing their mothers make it all on their own - without a man, but they are being encouraged to not make the same mistakes.

But, the divorce rate is affecting the boys too. They are being forced to grow up sooner. I have to wonder if we'll still be saying that girls mature faster than boys in another 10 years. Young men are just stepping up and filling the 'Man of the House' role, and once they leave the nest, what's left for them? The girls their own age aren't wanting to settle down and have children.

... But, women in their 30's are.

Plus, women no longer need to be supported financially, and that takes a big part of the reasoning to marry a stuffy older man right out of the equation.

What do you think?


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[info]gwytherinn
2005-12-19 07:21 am UTC (link)
Ironically enough, my mom and I were having a conversation about this tonight. A family friend's son is 18 and going out with a 42 year old woman with 2 kids. Although I have to say "why the hell would you do that?" at the same time, I was pretty taken aback by my mom's reaction. She described the woman as "mentally ill." If a 42 year old man was going out with an 18 year old girl I highly doubt the reaction would be so strong and full of disgust. I really don't appreciate that double standard.

But again, at the same time I was like "WHY??" Maybe he really is worth it, but at 23, I wouldn't go out with an 18 year old. I wouldn't go out with a 23 year old. Ok, there are going to be exceptions. But the vast majority of guys out there in my age range don't seem to be too mature, nor do they seem to know the meaning of respect. (And don't get me wrong, it's not just them... this seems to go for a lot of women my age too...) Really, sometimes it just makes me sick... I think of the possibility of dating again, and it's just terrifying to see what's out there....

You've obviously found a younger guy who's worth it, and I think that's great. Why the hell not?

Oh, and response to something else... I was definitely raised to get established as far as education and job is concerned before ever thinking about marriage and kids. I was raised with the mindset that you don't get married until you date a lot and know what you're looking for. That you don't get married until you're in your late 20s or so, because you will change as a person. Very strange to find this challenged now in my current situation... But going on LJ, and doing a lot of exploring, I'm pretty shocked to find this is not the case with everyone. I see a lot of people who are 20 and married, with children or a baby on the way. It's so alien to me, the way I was brought up. I think to myself "Huh? People still do that?" I feel kind of dumb, like I've been in a bubble or something... hehe.

Wow, this turned into a huge comment.

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[info]misty_moonlight
2005-12-19 06:02 pm UTC (link)
Yup, i'm raising my daughters to hopefully become established in life before they get married or have babies.

If they choose not to - then, I'll support them on that, too. My oldest girl, for instance, seems far too interested in boys for my liking. *laughs*

My husband was just reading something to me out of a book he has called "The 7 habbits of highly effective families" He loves Covey's books.. But anyhow, in there, the man's wife made a comment that after her 7th child, she finally came to the realisation that it was Ok that she was a mother. They have 9 children now.

I went through that too! How ironic that I could have so many children (5) and yet feel like this wasn't the thing for me - I wasn't made to be a mom, and there was something more important out there for me - Like there could ever be anything more important - especially if you already have the children.

This in part came from my family. What a "weird" dynamic I was raised with. My mom always worked, so I was raised with that, and was what they used to call a "Latch-key kid". I had a key to the house hanging around my neck when I went to school, and came home alone until everyone got off of work.

Yet, my dad told me to wait and find a husband in college. As though, this is what college was for. At the same time, he stressed that I should learn a career, so that if I found a bad husband, then I could take care of myself. It never really hit me just how confusing all of that was until now. LOL!

After I left my ex-husband, I spent a year and half or better working on myself before I even considered dating. My biggest fear was ending up with another one like I had left, and statistics show that that was exactly what I would do. Then I started to show some interest in men again, and I had a date!

Now, this is a true story right here.. LMAO! I was living in this place, and the roof leaked, so the landlord sent over a roofer. This guy was HOT! He was about 5 years older than me, knew a trade, and seemed like a viable prospect. Besides that, he was from Wisconsin, which is where I grew up. I was under the impression at the time that all of these western men that I was around weren't near as good of men as the home grown farm boys that I was raised with.

So, I sent a thank you card to the landlord, thanking them for sending over such a knowledgeable man to fix the roof, and told them how he did such a good job and I put my phone number in the card, knowing that they would likely show it to him. Well, he called and we chatted, and then he asked me out.

This man showed up at my house for the date - early. He was wearing his work cloths, and had some cloths that he had bought at walmart in a bag, and then proceeded to use my shower to get ready for the date. "You don't have a shower at home?" I asked, and he said that his place was too far away. So, he showered, and I waited, and when he came out, I went in the bathroom to finish getting ready to go out. Which is when he told me that we didn't have time for that, and he rushed me out the door.

Then, his truck was full of his tools and stuff, so he said we should take my car - which was nearly out of gas. He asked why my car had so little gas in it - I knew that we were going out. (LMAO!) and then when I stopped for gas, he said, "You go in and pay, and I'll pump it". Well, I stuck my visa check card into the slot at the pump, and he waited, and told me to go in and pay. "I already did" I said. Then he looks at my check card and says... "I gotta get me one of these." "Yeah, then you can pay for the gas on a date" I replied.

So, we went on to a restaurant, and we ate, and that's when I found out that I was paying for my own dinner. He ate super fast, and then rushed me to do the same because he had to be somewhere in an hour.

When we got back to my place he said.. "I'll call you, and let's do this again!" and he leaned in to kiss me! I backed up and said, "I really don't think either of us should waste our time." and I went inside.

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My post was too long!
[info]misty_moonlight
2005-12-19 06:03 pm UTC (link)
Believe it or not, about 6 months later, I came home form work, and he was in his car in my driveway, and sleeping. I went inside and picked up the phone so that I could call ...someone. I wasn't sure who the hell I was gonna call - I didn't want to over-react, but at the same time - There was a man sleeping in his car in my driveway. I picked up the phone, and it stunk of booze! He'd been in my house! He was drunk and sleeping it off in my driveway. Good lord - One date, and I had apparently committed myself to being his go-to person when he'd gotten himself in trouble.

So yeah - I hear ya when you say the dating prospects are grim. LMAO!

You're right, when it is the other way around, there is very little stigma attached to it. The oldest man I ever dated was 44, when I was 19. My first thought when I when I read how you and your mom reacted to that man dating the woman that was so older, was that maybe there was a reason to think that. You know him - maybe he's not worth the trouble. Then again, she may be getting a side of him that other people don't get. I know that Bri acts differently around me than he does with guys his own age. I went into a gaming store with him one day, and I suddenly felt really really.. OLD!!

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PS
[info]misty_moonlight
2005-12-19 06:05 pm UTC (link)
BTW ... The next time that it rained, my roof leaked again. :)

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